On Postpartum, Newborns, and Paternity Leave

My husband and daughter walked in from preschool pick up while our toddler was running around “creating” a green and pink grocery store (whatever that means) and I was nursing the newborn.

Our rhythm up to this point had been to get home from pick up and go straight to eating a snack, preparing for quiet time (think potty, gathering desired toys, and setting quiet time clocks), then off to rooms for a two-hour QT.

So, on day seven of our newborn’s life, day seven of my husband’s paternity leave, and day three of the school pick up to QT routine with Dad, I started verbally directing the quickly sinking ship of reunited siblings.

You can imagine my success as I sat nursing the newborn on the couch while trying to calmly coordinate the chaos.

While the toddler continued his circling of the kitchen table and our preschooler washed hands and got ready to join in the running of circles (why!?), my husband gently placed his hand on my shoulder and leaned over the back of the couch to say, “let me handle this.”

Relief.

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Because I spend so much time with the kids, I can often anticipate how a situation will go.

I’m rarely wrong.

I’m not boasting. It is just our reality, and it has its pros and cons.

I know how to get ahead of some situations or how to brace myself to stay calm when chaos is sure to erupt…but I don’t hold my tongue very well.

I speak. I speak a lot.

It is to my detriment.

Observing our kids’ abilities so frequently and in so many circumstances can lead me to speak up too early and too often.

If they want to climb, jump, hang, run, or take on another physical challenge, I will set safe boundaries, but I know their physical abilities well enough to encourage their efforts and spot them in physically challenging situations.

Behavior is my trigger.

I know their capacities for frustration, exhaustion, and independence well enough to recognize the signs of an approaching meltdown.

It is not my intention to protect them from all frustration, exhaustion, or hard-fought independence.

…but maybe from some. After all, parenting becomes exponentially more difficult once someone approaches meltdown mode.

Developmentally appropriate impulse control challenges (which are constant in our home of curious, energetic, and ambitious kids) prompt me to speak.

My husband is slower to speak.

His paternity leave (combined with a baby who loves a good long nursing session) is granting me the space to observe and learn.

I’m seeing what power there can be in holding my tongue, waiting out the chaos (or maybe just waiting a few seconds longer), and giving the kids opportunity to navigate the chaos they feel and/ or create before a grown up enters the situation.

Natural consequences of sibling battles (ouch!), late starts to quiet time, meal refusal, and all the other joys that may come with holding my tongue will surely become my own consequences as well, but they will be productive in the long run…right?

Maybe by the end of my husband’s paternity leave, I will be a less anxious parent and settle into a healthy balance of identifying when preventative intervention is prudent and when it is stunting skill development.

Parents of ambitious, energetic, and curious children – I’m praying for you.

Pray for me.